TO HECK With the big three?

PRESS THE POLITICIAN . . .

A Fictional Sunday morning News Show like you’ve never seen

TODAY’S TOPIC: TO HECK WITH THE BIG THREE?

By l.t. Dravis

DETROIT, MICHIGAN – Sunday, November 16, 2008 – WE are tuned in to a fictitious Sunday morning news program, PRESS THE POLITICIAN, and we’re watching the moderator discuss the Senate vote tomorrow on whether or not to bail out the Big Three Auto makers with two fictional Senators, one Democratic and one Republican:

FICTIONAL MODERATOR NELSON NEWSMAN (a middle-aged guy with white hair, a ready smile and sharp as a tack): Good morning, America. The big question facing us today is how far should government bailout programs go? Specifically, can we afford to bailout the Big Three Automakers and if we do, will they come back in a month, three months, or six months for more money? Or, should we just let America’s car companies go bankrupt?

I would like to welcome two experienced Senators to our program this morning . . . Senator Carl Blue from a northern state and Senator Richard Red from a southern state are here to present two diametrically opposed positions on a Senate bill to ‘give’ or ‘loan’ $25 billion in taxpayer money to ‘bailout’ the Big Three carmakers.

Senator Red, you seem to be the front man on the Republican side of the effort to kill any legislation that would bailout carmakers. Is there anything your Democratic colleagues can do to change your mind on a bill you’ve been so vocally opposed to? You seem to have ignored or perhaps you don’t care about a recent report from CAR Research, a non-profit research corporation which says that if Chrysler, Ford, and General Motors fail, 3 million jobs will be lost, costing $158 billion in personal income, and $60 billion in tax revenues in 2009. How do you respond?”

FICTIONAL SENATOR RED (R - Southern State) (another middle-aged man but this one has brown hair . . . he squints a lot, talks out of the right side of his mouth and speaks with a pronounced southern drawl): “Detroit isn’t building the kinds of cars and trucks Americans want to buy. They’ve refused to invest in fuel-efficient cars and trucks for decades and now they’re getting what they deserve. The Big Three have been run for decades by a bunch of jackasses and I don’t know why we should reward their incompetence. Besides, the $25 billion they’re asking for now is just the first of a series of bailouts these guys will want from us.”

MODERATOR NELSON NEWSMAN: “Whoa, wait a second . . . you’re playing a blame game here. How does any of what you’re saying help the millions of workers who will lose their jobs if the Big Three bailout bill is defeated? How can you play politics with what could be the single largest loss of jobs in the history of the nation?”

SENATOR RED: “Hey, Nelson, don’t get snotty with me! If you ever want to get me or any of my friends in the Senate to come on your program in the future, you’d better watch your tone and your words. I’m a United States Senator and I don’t have to run for reelection for four more years. So I’ve got lots of political favors to trade before I have to face the voters again. So I’m going to push the Democrats as far as I can here . . . who knows how many millions in earmarks I can get out of this bailout business for my state, my supporters, and my lobbyists?”

NELSON NEWSMAN: “Senator Red . . . for the record, you didn’t respond with anything close to an answer to the question I asked. But, rather than beat a dead horse, I’ll turn to Senator Carl Blue, the long-time senator from the state where hundreds of thousands of auto workers live and work. You heard what Senator Red said. Do you agree with Senator Red when he says if the Senate approves a bailout, you’re only opening the door for the Big Three to come back to you for more money in the future?

FICTIONAL SENATOR BLUE (D – Northern State) (another middle-aged guy with a gray comb-over, a sincere smile, and a Midwest twang): “I can’t believe what I’m hearing . . . Senator Red actually revealed a little something about his true political character. How about that? Betcha the MSNBC is all over that story by nightfall. In any case, there are as many as 3 million jobs dependent upon the survival of the American auto industry. This is not a Wall Street problem . . . this is a problem that impacts Main Street in cities and towns all across the country.”

“Besides, look at Europe . . . look at other countries around the world. They’re not going to allow their automotive industries fail. Why should we?”

MODERATOR NELSON NEWSMAN: “Don’t waste my audience’s time talking about what other countries will or won’t do . . . you and Senator Red were elected to protect your constituents. Each of you gets nearly $200 grand a year, you’ve got the best health insurance taxpayer money can buy, you’ve got people kissing up to you all day every day, and you’re locked into cushy jobs for the foreseeable future. Why can’t you stop the political double talk and get some work done for the people who pay you? The people who actually have to work for a living, the people whose lives you’re playing with, want to know whether you and Senator Red are going to take away their jobs, their pensions, and their health insurance, and . . . “

SENATOR BLUE (Interrupting): “. . . Hey, Nelson, don’t bust my chops! I’m the guy who’s for the Big Three bailout. Unlike Senator Red, I’m actually trying to save jobs, pensions, and health insurance . . . not only for the folks who work for General Motors, Chrysler, and Ford but I’m thinking about all the people who work for their suppliers, vendors, and dealerships.

“As far as what Senator Red said about Detroit’s management, you gotta admit these guys know how to build cars. Detroit’s quality today is more than comparable to anything produced by the Japanese, Germans, or Swedes. Detroit also knows how to make fuel-efficient cars . . . I mean, General Motors currently offers nine hybrids and offers twice as many cars and trucks that get over 30 miles to the gallon as any other car maker.

“Detroit is introducing new models to meet customer demand as quickly as it can . . . but keep in mind that while it only takes a few days, weeks, or months for the price of gasoline to double, it can take years for an automaker to create a design, build prototypes, go through the NHTSA and EPA testing process, refine, build, market, and deliver a new, more fuel-efficient car or truck.

“So, don’t give me that hackneyed baloney about the auto industry not trying to meet consumer demand.”

NELSON NEWSMAN: “Okay, okay, Senator Blue . . . calm down! Senator Red, did Senator Blue say anything that would stop you from filibustering to prevent the Big Three bailout from ever coming to a vote?”

SENATOR RED: “Carl and I are good friends. We run with the same group of wealthy, power crazy group of mostly white men and we’ve been friends forever. I mean, we think so much alike, we often finish each other’s sentences. However, when it comes to the Big Three bailout, I have to play my cards close to the vest. Carl understands that . . . he lets me play my game: I pretend I’m not going to support the bill while we negotiate behind closed doors for pork barrel projects I want . . . and then, when he’s looking for some reciprocity in the future, I do the same for him.”

NELSON NEWSMAN: “You completely ignored my question. Are you going to filibuster this bill to prevent it from coming to a vote or not?”

SENATOR RED (Laughing): “Hey, I didn’t know I’d have to give you straight answers to straight questions . . . what are you doing to us?”

NELSON NEWSMAN: “Since this is a fictional news program and we are fictional characters talking about a real problem, the author thought he’d actually make everyone be honest . . . you know . . . for a change?”

EPILOGUE: Okay . . . enough fiction . . . what’s the real deal here?

If the Big Three American carmakers don’t get a bailout beyond the $25 billion already approved to help them build more fuel-efficient cars, they’ll soon burn through their cash and they’ll be forced to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

The experts think that General Motors will probably be the first to go, with Chrysler running a close second, and Ford running a distant third.

Some dealers will close their doors before the bankruptcy, some will go out of business on the day Chrysler, Ford, or GM file for bankruptcy protection, and others will fail soon thereafter.

When dealer locations shut down, as many as three quarters of a million jobs will be lost, sales tax revenues will be cut off to local communities, and property leases will go unpaid.

Thousands of suppliers of raw materials and vendors who make the parts and pieces so critical to keep the assembly lines going will liquidate, or reorganize, throwing more thousands of workers out of jobs.

Car and truck sales will slow down even more as consumers worried about lack of dealer service and future parts problems refuse to buy vehicles from a company in bankruptcy.

So, let’s take a moment for a reality check here . . . What is the real cause of the current drop in car and light truck sales across the country?

Is it, as Senator Red would like us to believe, because Detroit produces gas guzzling SUVs, doesn’t offer the product mix Americans want, and can’t or won’t produce quality vehicles?

Not at all . . . American car sales have plummeted because people can’t or won’t buy cars and trucks because of the Wall Street-induced credit crunch, job losses at the rate of 2 million a month, and the nation’s uncertain economic future.

Who, besides the Senator Reds of the world, can’t understand that?

And, what will the United States Senate do today about bailing out the Big Three carmakers?

We hope 100 Senators are smart enough to create a bailout plan that will not only help Chrysler, Ford, and General Motors emerge from the current economic mess, leaner, meaner, and more consistently profitable than ever.

We also hope the 100 are smart enough to design a plan that will return a profit to the taxpayers.

We can hope . . .

Can’t we?

Copyright © 2008 by LTD Associates West, Ltd. All rights reserved.

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